One Wedding Down, One To Go... Next Year

Well, we survived our weekend of wedding festivities.

Wednesday night we did the rehearsal, the kids were great, Brad was a tool. Lets just say that the day of the rehearsal isn't the best day to confess that you feel like your mom is jumping ship and you really don't think she's getting married for the right reasons. Nor is it a good idea to consume large amounts of alcohol, especially in light of the sudden mommy issues. Luckily Brad limited his ranting and boo-hooing to myself and his brother. I just told his mom that he was celebrating, she bought it, all was well.

Thursday was decoration day. Easy and fun morning of girly stuff. Airport pick-ups, lots of small talk with people I hardly know, but they were all adults so I'll take it. And a big family dinner, painful, but it wasn't optional, so we sucked it up and had a decent time. Brad was back to his usual self, ie. sober.

The came Friday, wedding day. Brad golfed in the morning with all the men in the wedding party. I got fucked over with 1000 things to do and two tired kids to drag along, all before noon.

Where should I start... how about Cade's shoes. Brad took Cade to try on his tux on Wednesday, said everything fit great, well, the idiot didn't bother to try the shoes on. To clarify, Brad is the idiot, not Caden. Luckily, on Friday morning, after many requests from Cade to wear his shiny shoes I gave in (just so he would shut up about the GD shoes). The freakin shoes were TWO sizes too small. Lets just say that it was a good thing that Brad was on the golf course or he would have been walking his mom down the isle with a shiny size 11 rental shoe shoved up his ass. The rental place couldn't find shoes, so off we went to buy dress shoes. 4 stops later we found a pair. At least they were on sale.

Our weather made a sudden change overnight so I also picked up a cute little fluffy white sweater for Zoe... so cute. Except the woman at the store forgot to put it in the bag. Of course I didn't realize this till 10 minutes before we were out the door. Good thing the kid is a clothes horse.

So I packed every ones overnight bags, wedding clothes, hair and make-up stuff, got Cade ready so he would just have to get dressed at Nana's house, I got dressed, woke Zoe up from her much needed mini-nap and we got the hell out of dodge. Kids are in the car, buckled in their seats, and Cade reminds me to grab Zoe's blanket. I run up the stairs and the (pardon my language) mother fucking cat attacks my leg. HUGE hole in stockings and a massive run all the way up the side of my dress. I almost flipped out. Good thing the cat was fast or he would have been sporting the other shiny shoe. I stripped off my brand new dress and changed into the only dressy outfit I could find. It looked find, and even if it didn't, I was officially out of time.

Finally en route, kids are excited, my blood pressure is returning to normal and Zoe starts to freak out. I turn around and she has gum everywhere. Hands, car seat, face and of course her hair. We're on the freeway so all I can do is yell at her to stop pulling at it. At that moment Brad phoned and I started to cry.

At Nana's Zoe went straight into the sink (the bathrooms were occupied) and good old uncle Mike took over getting Cade ready. The kids were ready in time and absolutely perfect. And adorable. I can't wait for the pictures.

Cade and Zoe were great all day, even through my shiteous morning. They were great in the limo, they were great at the golf course, they were great walking down the isle. Zoe started screaming, "It's a plane, look at the plane! Nana, I said look at the plane!" during the vows, but it was cute and she shut up as soon as the brides-maid asked her to. Cade lost Nana's wedding band from his little pillow about 10 minutes before they walked down the isle, but we found it right away and Nana never had any idea it happened.

The food was great and there was an open bar... all was right in the world. Nana Jane looked beautiful, Gavin got weepy during his vows. We got the photographer to get a few pictures of Brad and I with the kids. The day was perfect. Well, the the morning sucked, but the rest of the day was perfect. And it's over. Till next year when Brad's day gets re-married.

**Pictures are Zoe with the Justice of the Peace and Cade with Gavin and Larry, the best man.

Daughter (In-Law) of the Bride

My mother-in-law is getting married on Friday night. We are all very happy for her, honestly, we are. The kids are going to be in the wedding, should be interesting, Cade is really excited, Zoe has no idea and will probably refuse to walk down the isle, but she's two so it shouldn't come as a big surprise to anyone. Brad is walking his mom down the isle, so my little family will be all dressed up, I'm hoping for a few really good pictures.

Here's my issue. Instead of weddings being about the union of two people, they're now all about the showers, the dinners, the rehersals, the drama, the $$$. I'm not a wedding person, we had a small daytime ceremony, 35 people, a couple drinks and everyone was home before dinner. I'm also not a fan of showers, I didnt have a wedding shower or baby shower for either of my kids. I figure that weddings and babies should be celebrated, but they shouldn't put financial strain on anybody. I love the idea of getting together for a night out before the "big day", or a filling someones freezer with ready to eat meals as a baby shower, but having to attend multiple showers and buy multiple gifts before the actual event (where you have to bring yet another gift), just doesn't sit right with me.

This will be a second wedding for both Jane and Gavin. She got her (beautiful) ring and then the subject of when came up, Gavin's response was, "What are you doing next weekend?" (maybe that's why I like the guy). Gavin's attitude was "I just want to marry you", so they decided on a "small gathering, nice and stress free". Everyones happy. Right.

So, Jane got a dress. Gavin got a tux. The best man got a tux. The maid or honour got a dress. Zoe got a dress. Cade got a tux. Mike (Brad's brother) got a tux. Brad got a tux.

All of this started to get a little less "nice and stress free", but whatever, it's their wedding and we're happy to comply. Besides I get to see my already handsome husband all dressed up and my kids will be show stoppers for sure.

Then I got an invite from someone I've never even heard of for a surprise shower. And the lady on the phone wants to know how much money I will be sending her to buy Jane's gift. Grrr... my least favorite request. Turns out the shower was being held on the day we went on vacation, so I dodged that one. Or did I? The day before we leave I get another phone call wondering if I managed to change our travel dates. WTF. Ummm, no. Never said I would. This woman goes on to say that Jane will surely be disapointed that I'm not there, so if I can drop some money off with her, she'll make sure my name gets on the card, and Jane will know that I haven't forgotten about her. I politely tell her that I'd get Jane my own gift, thanks for the invite. What I wanted to say was, "Fuck you, you indignant old cow. If you really knew Jane you'd be taking her out for some real fun, maybe dancing or the male strippers or for a few shooters.... not a dry shower on a Wednesday night!".

Then I get an email from Gavin's daughter. Guess what, another surprise shower! This time co-ed, at a comedy club about an hour from our place. Sounds fun, much more up our alley. But wait, tickets are $75 each. So $150 for tickets, plus gas, plus a sitter, suddenly a $200+ night. And it was set for a night that Brad was away working. I email back saying that Brad's not going to be here, let me know if you can find another date. The reply I get is, "Bummer, the date works for everyone else and the club doesnt have any other options... we'll miss you guys", fair enough, it was an expensive night and we're short on cash.

This is where I start to get pissy. Turns out the comedy club date doesn't work for someone else. Magically the club has another date available! Isn't that incredible? The new date is another day that Brad is away and I am volunteering at Cades soccer practice. Icing on the cake... the new date doesnt work for us OR for Brad's brother. So now the big family co-ed shower will only be Gavin's family. Don't we look like assholes? Whatever, it's done, Jane didnt complain except to say that we missed a really good time.

And now it's wedding week.

Wednesday - haircuts, try on the tuxes (45 minutes away), rehersal (90 mins away)

Thursday - help decorate the room in the am, take the great grandmas to get their hair done, big family dinner.

Friday - Brad's golfing with the wedding party, school pictures at 11am, need to be at Jane's (45 minutes away) with everyone dressed by 2pm, wedding at 430.

Saturday - manditory family golf day (I dont golf and it's supposed to rain, should be interesting)

I know that it will be fun and I hope everything goes smoothly, but it just seems a little too stretched out for something "stress free". And I know that the whole wedding thing isn't about the family or guests, it's about the bride and groom, so we're going along with the whole deal, helping where we can, being good children (sort of), but why does making the bride and groom happy have to be such a strain on everyone else? We've had to take time off work (un-paid), miss school, miss soccer games and a practice, I had to borrow an outfit from my sister because I couldn't afford something new and spend $$$ on gas for all of the driving back and forth. I hope that this all turns out stress free for them because I'm feeling enough stress for everyone.

Seen and Heard Around My House This Week

“Zoe is bad, she needs to go to church. Grandma, send Zoe to church, she’s being really bad” – Caden on Zoe doing something that he didn’t approve of. I should mention that we are not religious people and I have no idea where this idea came from, I’m not even sure he knows what a church is.

***

“Shotgun!!!!” – Zoe while running to the car after watching Garfield... and screaming it randomly ever since... nothing says white trash parent like 2 year old screaming shotgun at people.

***

“Caden, sit still and listen... don’t you want to find out if Ramona catches Davie and kisses him?” – me reading Ramona the Pest and trying to get Cade to pay attention.

“Yeah... maybe she’ll kiss him and they can have sex!” – Caden’s answer.

“Ummm, hmmm, what??? Where did you hear that from?” – me at a loss for words, not ready for this conversation.

“Dawson” – Caden revealing his informant (Dawson is the oh so wise 8 year old across the street)

“Do you know what sex is?” – me, not wanting to hear the answer.

“Yeah, it’s when people kiss” – Cades answer.

“Well, not quite, it’s something Mom’s and Dad’s do, but we can talk about it later... go brush your teeth. And, Cade, it’s not something to talk about at school or with your friends” – me avoiding “the talk”.

***

“Mommy!!!! My tummy hurts!!! I think I have to shit!!!!” – Zoe before pooping in the actual toilet for the second time.

***

Ahh, yes, lest I forget this one, Cade telling his new kindergarten teacher that he has a pole in his living room and his mom dances on it.... Awesome!

***

We had the Terry Fox run this week at school and it was the first time Cade learned about cancer and his first real exposure to prostetic limbs...

"We saw a movie at school about some guy with a really skinny leg, he was fast, but he died. It was cancer. He shouldn't have smoked." - Caden

"He didn't smoke, he had another kind of cancer. He was running across the country to raise money to find a cancer cure. He was a cool guy, and his leg wasnt skinny, it was a fake leg... pretty cool, huh?" - me

"Whoa, he was a robot, thats why he could run so fast, cool!" - Caden

"How did his leg stay on? Glue?" - Caden

"No, tape." - Zoe

"Duck tape, Dad says duck tape is good for everything." - Caden

At this point I chose to turn the music up really loud and hope the conversation didn't come up at school the next day.

Ode to Canada by Jeff Foxworthy, and some other crap by me

A friend forwarded this to me today, just thought I'd pass it along... there's a lot of truth in most of it (I guess that's why I found it pretty funny), us Canadians can be way too nice, friendly and apologetic!

I also thought that it was kind of funny because just yesterday I left a comment of at Momfo regarding some Canadians views on American and how a lot of people in the US think we live in igloos, dog sled to work, use whale blubber as our main fuel source and eat the caibou meat that we make our boots from... okay, not quite what I said, but you get the point. And if you missed the point, I am trying to say that a lot of Americans don't know much about Canada.

http://blogs.parentcenter.babycenter.com/momformation/2008/09/16/palins-bikini-photo-all-others-pal-in-comparison/

Most people who read this were probably thinking WFT??? Yeah, it was way off topic, but whatever.

Anyhow, here's the content of the email... hope you enjoy it

Forget Rednecks, Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canucks.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, You may live in Canada .

If someone in a Home Depot store Offers you assistance and they don't work there, You may live in Canada .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, You may live in Canada .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation With someone who dialed a wrong number, You may live in Canada .

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere South of Detroit for the weekend, You may live in Canada .

If you measure distance in hours, You may live in Canada .

If you know several people Who have hit a deer more than once, You may live in Canada .

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' In the same day and back again, You may live in Canada .

If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow During a raging blizzard without flinching, You may live in Canada .

If you install security lights on your house and garage, But leave both unlocked, You may live in Canada .

If you carry jumper cables in your car And your wife knows how to use them, You may live in Canada .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume To fit over a snowsuit, You may live in Canada .

If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km -- You're going 90 and everybody is passing you, You may live in Canada .

If driving is better in the winter Because the potholes are filled with snow, You may live in Canada .

If you know all 4 seasons: Almost winter, winter, still winter, And road construction, You may live in Canada .

If you have more miles On your snow blower than your car, You may live in Canada .

If you find 2 degrees 'a little chilly', You may live in Canada . If you actually understand these jokes, And forward them to all Your Canadian friends & others, You definitely live in Canada .

There you go, a little humour (or humor, for all you Yankee's), I laughed... but I'm a polite Canadian, so I didn't really have a choice!

2008 Election - My 2 Cents

I love politics. I love US politics. Political history? Fascinating. Debates? Love them, though they can be a little long winded. Crap-ass smear campaigns? Well, I don't love them so much, but they do give you a glimpse into the inner workings of the campaign doing the smearing... seriously, I have issues with any candidate that feels the need to focus attention on what the other guys are/arent doing instead of what their party wants to do.

This election is proving to be more entertaining than most. Just look at the spectrum covered by the Presidential and VP candidates.... Senior Citizen, African American, Woman, Widow, Mom, Cancer, Adultry (okay, that one seems to be covered a lot in all arenas of politics), Single-parent, Raised by a single parent, ect, ect, ect. Never before have there been so many different factions covered.

I would also like to point out that the VP candidates this in election could be more important than in any election in recent history. One nominee is ancient and has had some pretty serious health issues. The other would be the first African American president in a country that, unfortunatly, still has its fair share of ass backward, small minded racist rednecks (and I'd venture to say that that the vast majority of these folks aren't members of the democratic party, bad combo).

I wish no ill will on any of these political figures (or any human being for that matter), I'm just throwing my $0.02 into the ring.

Oh... one more thing, I'm a Canadian :)

Lost in Translation

I left a comment on a post over at Momformation http://blogs.parentcenter.babycenter.com/momformation/2008/09/15/dear-mccain-and-obama-what-will-you-do-about-rising-health-insurance-costs/ . My comment was taken way out of context and now I actually feel kind of bad about it. I obviously didnt get across what I was trying to say very clearly. I guess it didnt help that I wrote a second comment before the posters reply came up, so then she must have thought I was a real dick. Anyhow, I apologized... it's done.

This is the thing that I dislike about all the online chat/ texting. It's way too easy to miss what someone is actually trying to say when you can't hear the tone of voice or read the body language. Through computers, cell phones, blackberries, ect... all day, everyday conversations are lost in translation. Suddenly two people who are fighting the same fight are just plain old fighting. Grrr, I love technology, but what a pain in the ass sometimes.

Once again, Kristina over at Momfo, I didnt mean to kick you when you were down. Wasnt my intention at all.

Week One: Bio's

Cade is 5. He's smart, handsome, funny and exceptionally outgoing; he’s the kid on the playground who wants to meet every kid, every parent and every pet before hitting the jungle gym. Cade will try every angle to work the system and see how much he can get other people to do for him, a lovely genetic trait (okay, it’s a learned thing, but whatever) he's picked up from his father, uncle and grandfather. He’s ultra polite most of the time, and usually pretty quick to pick up on stuff, he’s very mechanical and can put almost anything together from scratch. Caden always wants to know the what’s, why’s, when’s, where’s and who’s of life. The older he gets, the more complex and horrifying the questions are becoming. Most people are surprised when they find out he’s only five. My mom calls him an “old soul” and I tend to agree with that description.
***
Zoe is 2 ½. She is karmic payback for anything bad I’ve ever done and anyone I’ve wronged... umm, maybe I should've just said she's my spirited little girl. Tiny and cute as a button, with big blue eyes and wavy blond hair. And lest I forget to mention, a killer set of lungs and an opinion on everything. The girl is two, but has a huge vocabulary and speaks clearly enough for most people to understand, (which is awesome when she’s trying to get her doll out of its little buggy and saying something like, “Fuck, I can’t get my fucking doll out”... yes, this actually happened and yes, people understood every word). Zoe is her own girl, she is fearless, outgoing and crazy independent. If she makes it through her youth in one piece she’ll be able to conquer the world (consider that your warning).

Caden’s bank account is for his education, Zoe’s is for bail and rehab.