Daughter (In-Law) of the Bride

My mother-in-law is getting married on Friday night. We are all very happy for her, honestly, we are. The kids are going to be in the wedding, should be interesting, Cade is really excited, Zoe has no idea and will probably refuse to walk down the isle, but she's two so it shouldn't come as a big surprise to anyone. Brad is walking his mom down the isle, so my little family will be all dressed up, I'm hoping for a few really good pictures.

Here's my issue. Instead of weddings being about the union of two people, they're now all about the showers, the dinners, the rehersals, the drama, the $$$. I'm not a wedding person, we had a small daytime ceremony, 35 people, a couple drinks and everyone was home before dinner. I'm also not a fan of showers, I didnt have a wedding shower or baby shower for either of my kids. I figure that weddings and babies should be celebrated, but they shouldn't put financial strain on anybody. I love the idea of getting together for a night out before the "big day", or a filling someones freezer with ready to eat meals as a baby shower, but having to attend multiple showers and buy multiple gifts before the actual event (where you have to bring yet another gift), just doesn't sit right with me.

This will be a second wedding for both Jane and Gavin. She got her (beautiful) ring and then the subject of when came up, Gavin's response was, "What are you doing next weekend?" (maybe that's why I like the guy). Gavin's attitude was "I just want to marry you", so they decided on a "small gathering, nice and stress free". Everyones happy. Right.

So, Jane got a dress. Gavin got a tux. The best man got a tux. The maid or honour got a dress. Zoe got a dress. Cade got a tux. Mike (Brad's brother) got a tux. Brad got a tux.

All of this started to get a little less "nice and stress free", but whatever, it's their wedding and we're happy to comply. Besides I get to see my already handsome husband all dressed up and my kids will be show stoppers for sure.

Then I got an invite from someone I've never even heard of for a surprise shower. And the lady on the phone wants to know how much money I will be sending her to buy Jane's gift. Grrr... my least favorite request. Turns out the shower was being held on the day we went on vacation, so I dodged that one. Or did I? The day before we leave I get another phone call wondering if I managed to change our travel dates. WTF. Ummm, no. Never said I would. This woman goes on to say that Jane will surely be disapointed that I'm not there, so if I can drop some money off with her, she'll make sure my name gets on the card, and Jane will know that I haven't forgotten about her. I politely tell her that I'd get Jane my own gift, thanks for the invite. What I wanted to say was, "Fuck you, you indignant old cow. If you really knew Jane you'd be taking her out for some real fun, maybe dancing or the male strippers or for a few shooters.... not a dry shower on a Wednesday night!".

Then I get an email from Gavin's daughter. Guess what, another surprise shower! This time co-ed, at a comedy club about an hour from our place. Sounds fun, much more up our alley. But wait, tickets are $75 each. So $150 for tickets, plus gas, plus a sitter, suddenly a $200+ night. And it was set for a night that Brad was away working. I email back saying that Brad's not going to be here, let me know if you can find another date. The reply I get is, "Bummer, the date works for everyone else and the club doesnt have any other options... we'll miss you guys", fair enough, it was an expensive night and we're short on cash.

This is where I start to get pissy. Turns out the comedy club date doesn't work for someone else. Magically the club has another date available! Isn't that incredible? The new date is another day that Brad is away and I am volunteering at Cades soccer practice. Icing on the cake... the new date doesnt work for us OR for Brad's brother. So now the big family co-ed shower will only be Gavin's family. Don't we look like assholes? Whatever, it's done, Jane didnt complain except to say that we missed a really good time.

And now it's wedding week.

Wednesday - haircuts, try on the tuxes (45 minutes away), rehersal (90 mins away)

Thursday - help decorate the room in the am, take the great grandmas to get their hair done, big family dinner.

Friday - Brad's golfing with the wedding party, school pictures at 11am, need to be at Jane's (45 minutes away) with everyone dressed by 2pm, wedding at 430.

Saturday - manditory family golf day (I dont golf and it's supposed to rain, should be interesting)

I know that it will be fun and I hope everything goes smoothly, but it just seems a little too stretched out for something "stress free". And I know that the whole wedding thing isn't about the family or guests, it's about the bride and groom, so we're going along with the whole deal, helping where we can, being good children (sort of), but why does making the bride and groom happy have to be such a strain on everyone else? We've had to take time off work (un-paid), miss school, miss soccer games and a practice, I had to borrow an outfit from my sister because I couldn't afford something new and spend $$$ on gas for all of the driving back and forth. I hope that this all turns out stress free for them because I'm feeling enough stress for everyone.